Danny looked at the gun in his hands, mesmerized by the swirl of smoke escaping from the barrel. Without thinking he let the gun fall to the ground, unafraid that it might go off. It clinked and clanked as it skidded across the sidewalk finally coming to rest near the ankles of the dead stranger, the man whose name Danny didn’t even know.
Danny felt sick as he stood there looking down at the dead mans body, he turned and threw-up. When he was done, he turned, opened the door into the building he was standing in front of and raced in, making sure not to look behind him. But he couldn’t help it. When he got inside and slammed the door shut, he caught sightof the mans lifeless body from out of the corner of his eye and then turned to look at him full on through the dust covered door windows.
He tried to sort out his emotions and what he had done, he tried to tell himself that he spared this man a horrible death, but the more he looked at the body, the body that once used to be a living, breathing person, the more confused he became.
With all that had changed in the world over the past year; the death of his sisters, brother and his own mother – who in the end he refused to help – he began to realize that it was only a matter of time before he too got sick, and who was going to be there form him when that happened? Taking one last look at the man before turning to the stairs, Danny wished that he and the man now laying dead outside were in reversed positions.
It was then that Danny realized that the illusion that came with his youth that he was invincible had now melted away. Even as the walls of society came crashing down around him and even as he watched his own mother and siblings get sick and die, one-by-one, he saw it as something that was happening around him, not to him, he now realized that his future – his destiny – was laying out there on that sidewalk. That might as well be him, those might as well have been his hands shaking, those might have been his dull grey eyes.